Finding Self-Love Through Your Inner Child

Finding Self-Love Through Your Inner Child

Have you ever noticed how certain moments can suddenly shift your entire perspective? Recently, I experienced one of these transformative moments during an inner child exercise that challenged everything I thought I knew about self-love and personal growth. As someone deeply committed to continuous improvement and excellence, I discovered that the key to deeper self-acceptance wasn't in looking forward but in connecting with the pure, innocent nature we all possessed before life's challenges shaped us.

During a recent Positive Intelligence coaching session, I participated in an exercise that would ultimately challenge my deeply ingrained patterns of self-pressure. The exercise invited us to connect with our essential nature – that pure, innocent being full of wonder and possibility that exists within each of us, regardless of our actual childhood experiences.

The Experience: Connecting with Your Pure Nature

The session began with a grounding exercise, creating a calm, receptive state of mind. Then came the invitation to connect with our innate pure self – not necessarily tied to specific childhood memories, but rather to the universal qualities of wonder, innocence, and joy that we all possessed before life's challenges began to shape us.

While this was presented as a visualization exercise, I want to share something personal that ended up being surprisingly powerful: I don't have the ability to create mental images. What I discovered was that this apparent limitation actually deepened my experience. Without the ability to visualize, I found myself connecting directly with the emotional essence of this pure state of being. The impact was profound precisely because it wasn't filtered through visual imagery – it was raw, immediate, and deeply felt.

This realization challenged my initial assumption that I might be at a disadvantage in this exercise. Instead, I found that connecting through pure emotion and feeling created an even more intimate and transformative experience. It reminded me that our perceived limitations often hold unexpected gifts.

For those who can visualize, you might create an ideal scene of childhood wonder. For others like myself, you might find that connecting through emotion, description, or physical sensation creates an even deeper resonance. Some people find it helpful to list these innate qualities, write about them, or focus on the bodily sensations that arise when connecting with this pure state of being.

What matters isn't how you access these qualities but that you find your own way to connect with this fundamental essence. What qualities exist in this pure state? Innocence, curiosity, playfulness, freedom, adventure – these natural states of being that we all possessed before life's challenges led us to create protective layers.

Our guide suggested using a childhood photograph as one possible way to help anchor this connection, but the real power lies in connecting with these universal qualities of pure being that exist independent of our personal histories. As I connected with this essential nature through emotional resonance and reflection, something unexpected happened: The weight of self-imposed expectations began to lift.

The Immediate Shift: From Pressure to Permission

As a high performer who consistently puts in long hours and gives maximum effort, I rarely pause to question whether this constant push serves my highest good. But in that moment of connecting with my pure, essential nature – through words, feelings, and reflection – I felt an immediate softening. The internal pressure valve released, and for perhaps the first time in a long while, I felt deserving of rest.

This year has been particularly challenging, yet until this exercise, I hadn't fully acknowledged my need for gentleness and recovery. Connecting with these pure qualities brought a crystal clear realization: true self-love means honoring our need for rest and rejuvenation just as much as our drive for achievement.

Why This Works: The Power of Pure Being

The brilliance of this approach lies in its ability to bypass our accumulated programming. When we connect with our pure nature, we tap into qualities that exist before any conditioning or life challenges.

This essential self knows instinctively how to:

• Listen to their body's needs without judgment
• Find joy in simple moments
• Rest without guilt
• Play without purpose
• Simply be, without constant doing

These natural states weren't weaknesses to overcome but wisdom to embrace.

A Message to Fellow High Achievers

If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in the pattern of constant striving, I invite you to try this exercise. Find a quiet moment and connect with your pure, essential nature. What qualities arise? What wisdom does this unconditioned part of you have to share?

The paradox I'm discovering is that by allowing ourselves moments of genuine rest and self-compassion, we may actually enhance our capacity for sustainable high performance. Real self-love isn't about abandoning our goals or diminishing our drive – it's about creating a foundation of self-care that supports our ambitions.

Practical Steps to Implement This Practice

1. Set aside 10 minutes for this exercise. Ground yourself first through deep breathing or meditation.
2. Choose your approach:

   
   

   • If you can visualize: Create an ideal scene embodying pure qualities
   • If you connect emotionally: Focus on feeling these essential qualities
   • If you prefer description: Write or speak about these pure qualities
   • If you process kinetically: Move your body in ways that express these qualities
   • For everyone: Consider using a childhood photograph as an optional anchor
3. Whatever method you choose, explore the qualities present in this pure state – the natural joy, curiosity, and freedom. You might list these qualities, describe them, or simply feel them.
4. Ask yourself: How would I treat this pure, essential self? What would I want for them?
5. Begin to extend that same care and consideration to your present self.
   

The Real Meaning of Self-Love

Through this experience, I've come to understand that real self-love isn't just about positive affirmations or bubble baths (though those have their place). It's about recognizing our inherent worthiness – not for what we achieve, but for who we are at our core. It's about treating ourselves with the same compassion we would naturally offer to our pure, essential nature.

As high achievers, we may have learned to override our basic needs in service of our goals. But true sustainable success requires a foundation of self-care and self-compassion. By reconnecting with our pure nature, we can begin to rebuild this foundation, creating space for both rest and achievement, both being and doing.

Remember: You are not just your achievements. You are, and always have been, worthy of care, rest, and gentleness. Sometimes, it takes connecting with our essential nature to truly understand this truth.