Learning to Embrace Compliments: A Path to Self-Acceptance

Learning to Embrace Compliments: A Path to Self-Acceptance

Learning to Embrace Compliments: A Path to Self-Acceptance

Have you ever felt uncomfortable when someone gave you a compliment? Maybe you felt a twinge of awkwardness, unsure of what to say. You might have brushed it off with, “Oh, it was nothing,” or downplayed it: “I didn’t really do anything.” Perhaps you redirected it back to them: “You did most of the work,” or even deflected entirely: “It wasn’t that great; I could do better.”

For many of us, compliments can stir up feelings of unease. Even when they’re meant to uplift us, they often bring our insecurities bubbling to the surface. Have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying something like:

  • “I didn’t do much.”
  • “I still have so much to learn.”
  • “It’s not good enough.”
  • “I don’t know how I helped.”
  • “I’m nowhere as good as you.”

In my work, I often focus on highlighting people’s strengths to empower and build them up. But I’ve noticed a pattern: some people respond to compliments almost as though they’re dodging bullets. They may say, “I didn’t finish yet,” or “I need to do better.” Others might compare themselves to someone else: “I always feel like you do so much more than me.”

It’s almost as if the kind words are too much to bear, as though being acknowledged in this way feels exposing, uncomfortable—even threatening. This reaction got me thinking: Why do so many of us struggle with something as simple and beautiful as a compliment? Could it be that our self-love is so fragile that kindness feels like a spotlight on what we’re trying to hide?

When we reject compliments, what are we really rejecting? Is it the praise itself, or the discomfort of being truly seen? Is it the fear that others’ positive perception of us doesn’t match how we see ourselves? Or is it that somewhere deep down, we believe we’re not enough—not deserving of such kind words?

Let’s dive into why accepting compliments is so challenging, what it reveals about us, and how we can learn to graciously embrace them. Because when we can accept compliments with an open heart, we build self-acceptance, strengthen relationships, and unlock greater confidence in ourselves.

Why Compliments Trigger Discomfort

  1. Fear of Arrogance
    Many of us are taught from a young age to be humble, and we mistakenly equate humility with rejecting praise. We worry that saying “thank you” might make us seem vain or self-centered, so we downplay the compliment instead. We say things like, “I didn’t really do anything,” or “I still have so much to learn,” hoping to avoid coming across as arrogant. But in doing so, we reject the kindness being offered.
  2. Low Self-Esteem
    If you don’t believe you’re worthy of praise, a compliment can feel fake or even undeserved. It may clash with your internal narrative—especially if you’re used to telling yourself things like, “It wasn’t that great,” or “I need to do better.” Compliments that highlight strengths you don’t recognize in yourself can feel uncomfortable or even angering, as though someone is pointing out something you don’t believe to be true.
  3. Defensiveness
    Compliments can unintentionally poke at insecurities. For example, if someone says, “You’re so talented!” and you secretly feel inadequate, it might feel more like a challenge than a kindness. This is when you might respond with, “I don’t know how I helped,” or compare yourself to someone else: “I’m nowhere as good as you.” Instead of letting the compliment lift you up, it might make you focus on areas where you feel you’re falling short.
  4. Social Conditioning
    In many cultures, people are conditioned to downplay their achievements to avoid standing out. Compliments, in this context, can feel socially awkward or like an unwanted spotlight. Phrases like, “It was nothing,” or “Anyone could have done it,” reflect this conditioning—minimizing your efforts to maintain a sense of humility. However, this habit can make it harder to truly acknowledge and celebrate your contributions.

How to Graciously Accept a Compliment

Now that we’ve explored why compliments can feel uncomfortable, let’s look at how to respond in a way that builds self-worth and connection.

  1. Pause and Smile
    Take a moment to let the compliment sink in. A genuine smile acknowledges the giver’s kindness.
  2. Say 'Thank You'
    A simple “thank you” is the most gracious and effective response. It doesn’t need to be complicated—just sincere.
  3. Own It
    Instead of deflecting, try adding, “That means a lot to me,” or “I worked really hard on that.” This allows you to accept and appreciate your efforts.
  4. Pay It Forward
    Compliments inspire positivity. When you receive one, you might feel encouraged to offer someone else the same kindness.

Practical Exercises to Embrace Compliments

If you’ve struggled to accept compliments, these practical exercises will help you develop the skill. Choose the one that resonates most with you, or try them all to see what works best. Each exercise is designed to create a shift in your mindset and nurture self-acceptance.

1. Affirmations as a Meditation

Affirmations are a powerful way to rewire your inner dialogue. Neuroscientific studies show that repeating positive affirmations activates the brain's reward centers, releasing feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. Use the affirmation, “I am worthy of recognition and praise,” in this short meditation to create a space of self-love and acceptance.

Steps:

  1. Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, focusing on the rhythm of your breathing.
  2. Repeat the affirmation silently or aloud: “I am worthy of recognition and praise.”
  3. As you say the words, visualize them filling your heart with warmth, as though you are pouring love into yourself.
  4. Notice any resistance or discomfort that comes up. Acknowledge it gently and return to the affirmation without judgment.
  5. Spend 3–5 minutes repeating the affirmation. Let it settle into your mind like planting seeds of self-acceptance.
  6. When finished, take a deep breath and open your eyes, carrying the affirmation with you throughout the day.

2. Mirror Exercise

Looking in the mirror and giving yourself a compliment can feel strange at first, but it’s a transformative practice. Research shows that this technique fosters self-acceptance and confidence, encouraging individuals to confront and embrace their self-image.

Steps:

  1. Stand or sit in front of a mirror in a private, comfortable space.
  2. Make eye contact with yourself and take a deep breath. Smile gently, as though greeting a dear friend.
  3. Say one positive thing about yourself aloud. For example:
    • “I am proud of how hard I’ve been working.”
    • “I love how kind I am to others.”
    • “I appreciate my creativity and the way I solve problems.”
  4. Pause and let the words sink in. Resist the urge to criticize or counteract the compliment. Instead, simply acknowledge it by saying, “Thank you.”
  5. Repeat this process with one or two more compliments.
  6. End by thanking yourself for showing up for this exercise.

3. Compliment Journal

Writing down compliments and reflecting on them is a wonderful way to internalize positive feedback. This exercise aligns with self-compassion practices that have been shown to increase self-efficacy, optimism, and mindfulness.

Steps:

  1. Keep a dedicated notebook or digital file for compliments.
  2. Each time someone compliments you, write it down. Include who said it, what they said, and how it made you feel.
  3. Reflect on your compliments weekly using these journaling prompts:
    • What strengths or qualities did this compliment highlight?
    • Do I agree with this compliment? Why or why not?
    • What can I do to embody this compliment more fully in my daily life?


4. Roleplay with a Trusted Friend

Roleplaying with someone you trust can help you practice accepting compliments without the pressure of a real-life situation. Research shows that roleplay reduces anxiety and builds confidence in giving and receiving praise.

Steps:

  1. Ask a close friend, family member, or coach to help you practice. Let them know you’re working on graciously accepting compliments.
  2. Create a scenario where they give you a compliment. For example:
    • Friend: “You did an amazing job on that presentation. You explained everything so clearly!”
    • You: Pause, smile, and respond, “Thank you so much! I put a lot of effort into preparing for it, so that really means a lot to me.”
  3. Repeat the exercise with different compliments. Try responses like:
    • “Thank you, I appreciate that.”
    • “That’s so kind of you to say. It makes me feel really good to hear that.”
  4. Ask for feedback. Did your response feel natural and genuine? What could you improve?

A Gentle Reminder

When someone compliments you, they’re sharing a moment of connection and kindness. Rejecting it may unintentionally reject their good intentions. Accepting a compliment isn’t about seeking external validation—it’s about honoring both yourself and the person who sees value in you.

This week, challenge yourself to embrace every compliment you receive. Start with a simple “thank you,” and notice how it feels. Reflect on how accepting praise can strengthen your self-worth and your relationships. Together, let’s create a culture where kindness and acknowledgment flow freely.